Are you pregnant but not that excited about it? Here are some tips that may help

26 Apr

By Sophie Harris - Pregnancy & Postpartum Psychotherapist

Not being that excited about your pregnancy is actually extremely common but isn't widely spoken about.
There are infinite reasons why you may not be so excited.
Life as you know it changes almost instantly when you find out you are pregnant and it’s extremely normal to have some fears and concerns. Suddenly we have to adapt overnight to the idea of life with a baby and especially if it is your first pregnancy, there are so many unknowns, so much uncertainty.

Often, as women we've worked really hard to build careers and we know there's going to be so much change within our job roles during and after pregnancy. We may also be worried about the change of dynamics in our relationship and it may be that our partner doesn't understand what we are going through. As pregnant women we go through a lot and there are often multiple symptoms - even just trying to explain the internal dialogue around being pregnant to somebody who hasn't been can be incredibly difficult.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret…

My pregnancy was completely unplanned and I was *not at all* excited about being pregnant during my pregnancy. I would maybe get small glimmers of excitement every so often, but that was extremely rare but that doesn't mean that I didn't go on to love my daughter. I use that personal example to illustrate that there are so many different reasons *why* we may not be excited about our pregnancy.
It is okay to not be excited about being pregnant and this does not mean anything about you as a person or a Mother.
So, if you are feeling this way, what can you do about it?

Challenge your ‘should’s’

Often, we're not excited about being pregnant and have so many “shoulds” on our mind - “I should be feeling this”, “I should be feeling that” but why *should* we be feeling anything?
So often, we are in the flow of our careers and friendships, gaining a sense of self-worth when suddenly overnight we become pregnant and it's very normal to have mixed emotions or even extremely negative emotions about it. We need to let go of some of this narrative around how we should be feeling because where we are and how we *actually* feel in this moment is valid.

Find support to process these changes

Personally, I don’t see not being excited about pregnancy as a reason to seek therapy, because this may not be right for you. However, it is a viable option to help you process some of your feelings about it with professional support. Alternatively, there may be a really trusted person in your life who you know will help and understand where you are coming from. Whoever it is, try to talk through these emotions as it really can reduce any feelings of shame, as it is such a normal part of pregnancy and Motherhood.

Learn to sit with uncertainty

It can be really helpful to learn to sit with the uncertainty of what it is you’re not feeling excited about. It can be really difficult if we're used to having control and like to know exactly how things are going to go, but learn to try and embrace some of that uncertainty. You don't know how you feel at the moment but that doesn't mean it won't change. Being pregnant and having a baby are very different things and just because you're not excited about being pregnant does not mean you won't be an absolutely amazing Mother.